u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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