i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
