I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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