I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
