People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
