Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
