After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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