I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
