I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
