Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
