last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
