Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
