evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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