Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
