I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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