If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
