I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you had me at cake vodka
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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