Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
