fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm like, not good at living.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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