he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
