My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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