It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my shit smells like andre
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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