I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
