just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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