ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
