the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
