So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
