whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
