I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I will be naked everywhere
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
