I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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