You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
