She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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