all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
