hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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