Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
