I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
