My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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