No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
