dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
