There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
