i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
