if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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