Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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