I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
