I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
