I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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