You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
