I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
