If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
