I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
